Self-love is critical in calling in your soulmate. In general, self-love wasn't my main issue. I always felt loved by my parents and was deeply loved by my first boyfriend starting at 14 years old. He loved me throughout our 7 years of growing up together. Then I was loved by my 2nd boyfriend who I was so obsessed with that self-love gradually evaporated out of my vortex.
When I fell off the rails, became codependent and needy, he broke up with me. It was then that I caught myself. But, not before I tried desperately to fill that void with lots of other men. I was 22, single in Mexico and suddenly my energy attracted everyone that would never fill me up. On the 2nd time I almost got raped, I thanked God for saving me and waking me up. In that moment, I knew just what to do.
I remembered self-love. I realized I put so much effort into making him love me that I had forgotten to love myself. I vowed to take as long as I needed to truly fall back in love with myself again. All my needy love energy shifted inward. I dropped 35 lbs, dressed up, walked straighter, smiled and connected with the larger part of me. No man could ever fill what I was filling in myself. Suddenly, it didn't matter that I went out dancing every weekend with my friends and looked super hot, nobody approached. Months passed and I didn't worry about not having a boyfriend. I knew at my core that someday I'd meet my soulmate.
8 months after my wakeup call where I temporarily swore off men, my future husband moved into the apartment next door. In a city of 30 million people, he was literally delivered to my doorstep.
If I hadn't transformed how I was showing up in the world, I wouldn't have received him. Even if he would have moved there anyway, I wouldn't have received him. If I had still been dating around, I wouldn't have received him. If I had still been clinging on to the love that I had lost, I wouldn't have received him.
I had to open up. I had to love myself. I had to remember my power, remember how not to shrink and that it's the amazing version of me that would attract an amazing love from an amazing man. I had to claim that I was worthy of receiving the same love and respect from a man that I was giving myself.
As we celebrate our 15th anniversary today, I'm so filled with gratitude for waking up that day and for taking the journey back to self-love.
Is it time for you to make the decision for yourself? That's all it starts with. A decision.