With him, I learned to trust again. To love again. To give my heart without walls. I was ready to let someone love me and trust that he wouldn't just stop one day and leave me hanging. He, though, didn't live my path. He didn't get his heart broken like me and he let me into his life just like other girls in the past. He followed the same rules. He played the same games.
Night after night I wondered if he would call even though he said he would or pick me up when we planned. As a young foreigner working abroad in Mexico City, I had enough.
The line was blurring between like and love, but this wasn't what I dreamed of. I felt myself needing him. Waiting for him and feeling anxious when he'd blow me off. This was not how I was going to tolerate being treated any more.
One lonely night turned into two and Jewel's "Foolish Games" song came over the radio in my bedroom. My roommates were laughing in the living room outside but I collapsed onto my bed and started to sob.
That's it. Enough is enough. But not from a place of anger. Not from rage. Not even from jealousy or revenge. A new energy independent energy flooded me and. I opened my eyes. Wiped off my tears. "I am strong. This is my 3rd year living in Mexico and most of it has been alone. I don't need him. I don't need this. I'm going to respect myself now." With a sense of empowered relief, I drifted off to sleep.
The next day he called at a random time as if everything was totally fine and I calmly said hello. Then I cut him off. With so much control and ease in my voice, I said,
"I came to Mexico City another year because of you, and I'm not happy right now.
"What?" He asked, stunned.
"You don't come when you say you'll come and you don't call me back. Then days pass and I hear nothing."
"I'm really busy," was his response.
"I know you're busy. I know there's traffic and you're tired at night. I don't need all your time. I just need to know that you're thinking about me. And, I'm not going to wait anymore. I'm not going to wait for your calls, or wait for you to come see me. I really like you, but I'm not doing this anymore."
Then, in the most humble voice I'd heard come out of him, "Oh. I didn't know..... If I change will you give me another chance?"
Only one week. 7 days later at his younger brother's spectacular wedding reception he turned to me, put his hand on my leg. He looked close into my eyes and said, "You are SO beautiful and I love you so much."
That was it. In the depths of my cells, I knew. Someday I was going to marry that man.
And I did.