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The Marital Boundary

September 26, 2017

She has a room. Her sanctuary where she feels alive, connected and on fire and when he comes in her throat constricts. Her face gets a little red. She says nothing. Looks up and gives him the attention that she doesn't want to because he's in her space. But he doesn't know.

Or he does but he doesn't care.

She has not set a boundary.

 

He really really really really wants to go out for a beer with his best friend after a long day at work, but his wife said no.  She want him home. Which is fine and it feels great to be wanted, but the problem is...it's every single day.  So, just like he does every Thursday night, he smirks, "Sorry man. Not this time. I have to go home."

He has not set a boundary.

 

The fear of upsetting our love causes us to self-sacrifice, which then causes resentment. So instead of calling it like it is to save their feelings, we've obliterated our own. 

 

Some marriages don't have established boundaries from the beginning, and some break down over time. The point is, no boundaries, no happy marriage.

 

No boundary, no balanced and well-adjusted, respectful kids.

 

If this is you, take a breath. Everything is reversible, as I've seen in my clients every time.  It takes awareness, discipline and commitment to stand by any new boundary you set. It takes understanding that you'll be swimming up current for a while to undo the lack of boundaries that were there before. It takes support from a neutral coach or mentor who can guide you through difficult conversations. It takes time.

 

If you're reading this now, chances are I'm talking to you, so let me say this. You've got time and you can do this. On the other side of drawing a boundary is so much happiness and freedom, that all the effort you'll use in drawing it is worth every bit.

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